Medical Breakthrough...

It has recently been discovered that a few minutes of listening to irrational, intellectually irresponsible interviews and opinions can do wonders to for hypotension. While few people realize it, two broadcasting groups have come together to provide resources for this first-aid measure to the American people. If at any point you find your blood-pressure dropping too quickly, try tuning in to NPR or Fox News; regardless of your own perspectives on things, within 10 minutes you will have certainly have heard something to help you recover.

Warning: Persons who suffer from hyper-tension should avoid either of these treatments at all costs! Engaging in this activity could result in a major coronary, stroke, or even death.